Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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