PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
