Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
