Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
