Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
