I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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