Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
