she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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