Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
