i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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