An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
