Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
