Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's just like the Real World with babies
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
