there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
