I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
