I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
