I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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