There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
