Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
