i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
