You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have aggressive nipples.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
