Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize