do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
