i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
