listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
