i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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