I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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