There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
