He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
