my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
