If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
