Me. At least after what I've been through.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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