so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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