i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
