i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Are we still banned from the library?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
