After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
