Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
