the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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