Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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