im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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