She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
