Moan for me like Helen Keller
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
