I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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