New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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