I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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