i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
