just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
