I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
