Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
