You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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