remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
