It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
