Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
