So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
