I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
