The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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