Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
