WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
