Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
