Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
