the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Randomize
