Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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