well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
