i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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