I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
