So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
