It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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