Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
