Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
