I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
