Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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