Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nutella sex= disaster
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
