If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
