I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
