i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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