yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
